Medical Malfunctions: Plumbers Vampires Photographers and More!

 Medical Malfunctions: Plumbers, Vampires, Photographers, and More!

Random notes on testing:

I must be beautiful inside because all my doctors are always asking for pictures of my organs! I got the results of an ultrasound scan, and it was determined that my bladder was unremarkable. I was hurt! I thought it to be quite remarkable!

Do I have diabetes because I am too sweet?

I have been daily testing my blood sugar. When I go to the Vampires for blood tests, they double-check, and it is never the reading I get at home, nor does it seem to change based on my diet. I have determined a better way to check my condition: I have found that if my urine smells like a full meal and attracts ants, I am not really improving!

GP Notes:

Once, I came for my regular visit after having spent a few days in the hospital with a blocked kidney, urinary tract infection, and sepsis. My General Practitioner said to me, “My friend, you were very near death!” I replied, “Well, Doc, you don't have to sound so disappointed!”

“Doc, this diabetic diet and medication make me feel terrible!” He explained that I had been operating on an energy high all my life! Now, you are experiencing life without it.” I thought about it for a few seconds and asked him, “Do you mean to tell me that normal people always feel this shitty?”